Hey, Lady

If you ever really want to get students riled up, have them read “The Common Guy” by Audrey Bilger from Bitch magazine. The article is about the use of the phrase “you guys” when talking to a group, whether the group is all female or not. The argument goes that this is a perpetuation of the way masculine=generic/”ungendered” (such as the old “man” for “human”), and that it’s become so pervasive that it’s nearly impossible to stop. Wow, students do not like this argument. “What’s the big deal?” they ask. “She’s making too much out of nothing. I’m not sexist, and I say ‘you guys’ all the time. It’s not offensive; it’s just a casual way of speaking.” You get the drift.

Now, I myself am guilty of using “you guys” all the time, so I’m definitely not trying to say I’m a less sexist speaker than anyone else. In fact, one of the schools I teach at is a women’s college, and I still say “you guys” to the group. This doesn’t mean I’m not bothered by it; personally, I agree with Bilger’s argument. It shows how pervasive sexism really is, and how extremely difficult it is to purge from language.

One of the ways you can tell “you guys” is (arguably) sexist is that while two women might be referred to as “you guys,” one woman would never be called a guy, while one man would be. This leads me to my next question: what, if anything, is the female equivalent of “guy”?

My husband says that equivalent is “lady.” I discovered this recently when I was teasing him for using the word “lady” so much. Every time he refers to a woman, he says “lady” instead, as in: “I’m going to meet with this lady from work today.” He claims that “lady” is a casual term, much less formal than “woman.” My assumption, though he will not confirm this, is that he uses “lady” because “girl” (which is, in my opinion, the closest equivalent to “guy”) is insulting to females over the age of about 18.

I find the idea that “lady” could be a casual term hilarious, and this has resulting in a number of laughingly passionate debates between us on the matter. (Please understand, this is really all in good fun.) For the sake of argument, I called “lady” a derogatory term, which he thinks is absolutely absurd. He says I have held on to a notion of the word “lady” from “those old books” I read, and that the term has changed. I stand by my belief that “lady” only has negative connotations, most of which surround the idea that women are weaker and less human than men. Here are the ways I believe the word “lady” is used today:

1) To refer to a woman who is assumed to be physically feeble (as in: “I helped a little old lady across the street”).

2) In place of the word “bitch” if you are angry at a woman (as in: “Hey, lady, get out of my way!”)

3) To refer to a woman who needs rescuing (as in Lionel Richie’s song “Lady,” or in the hotel situation in Gainsville where “so many ladies” needed a taxi — only Amy knows what I’m talking about here).

4) Used by a man, usually in a rap song, to refer to a group of women, probably as a nicer version of ”bitches” or “hoes” (as in the song “Hey Ya,” where women are addressed as “ladies” and men as “fellas”)

5) Similarly to 4, used by a woman to refer to her female friends (as in the Beyonce song “All the Single Ladies,” in which she tells male listeners, “if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it,” a lyric that makes me a little sick every time I hear it).

4 and 5, I think, are the reasons “ladies” is seen as an equivalent to “guys,” because it’s used that way and it’s supposed to be a nice way of referring to women, especially a woman’s female friends. However, to me, perhaps because these references are often used in songs, I still think of these “ladies” as women who wear makeup and high heels and have manicured nails. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s not the same as a “guy,” who hangs out in sneakers and jeans. Guys are comfortable, while ladies are pretty. Not only that, but those “ladies” will become “bitches” at the drop of a baseball cap if they do something their boyfriends don’t like.

The trouble is, I really can’t think of an equivalent term to “guy.” Ladies are too fussy for me, but girls are too young. Both terms take away some element of humanity and dignity to me. “Woman” is the only term that doesn’t, but it’s true that it doesn’t sound casual — you would never address a crowd as “guys and women.”

Any thoughts? Oh, and before you suggest using a new word, don’t forget how hard Sarah Silverman tried to come up with a new word — or how dangerous language can be!

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